The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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