dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
