I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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