im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
