i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
