I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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