Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
