Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
