Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
