I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
