All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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