If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
