If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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