this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
