its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
