idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
