In America we eat man semen.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
3 2 1 whiskey
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
