My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
not ubering you a puppy
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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