Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
