He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize