Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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