Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
