My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
