is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
