her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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