once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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