Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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