I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
