I hate your face
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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