I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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