she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
