Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
