Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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