no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
