his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
When are your genitals available?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
