easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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