I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
