I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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