You're so nebulous sometimes
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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