Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
