I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
