I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
