Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
