Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
