how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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