I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
