she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
