Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
