More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
