yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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