Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize