Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
