How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize