She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my being single is dangerous.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
