At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
