he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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