this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
