Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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