i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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