I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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