Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
