just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He felt like a one man threesome
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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