you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
