he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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