Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
