Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
