I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
