I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
