she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
